Super Dell Kicked a Bird?

Super Dell, a local celebutard here in Utah is lighting up the news again. This time with video footage of him possibly kicking a bird in flight. The video may be fake so don’t come crying to me if you Super Dell haters don’t get to hang him on this one.

For the record I am not a Super Dell hater but I am concerned about his levels of maturity and intelligence. The simple fact is that most people don’t kick birds. Get with the plan Super Dell; don’t kick birds.

More importantly, however, is that I want this guy for a client. Super Dell seems to get in trouble with the law in fairly regular intervals but for decidedly irregular reasons. Interesting clients with interesting legal claims makes my law practice more interesting.

The most interesting aspect of this particular case, for example, is the footage itself. Legally it will be very difficult, if not impossible, to authenticate. To even admit the video in court the prosecuting agency would have to prove that the video is what it purports to be.

First the prosecuting agency would have to prove that the person in the video is actually Super Dell. That is going to be very difficult given that the videographer is also the perpetrator. In that case Super Dell himself would have to verify the date, time, and subject of the video. Hopefully, he isn’t going to say or do anything to authenticate this video.

Also critical to successfully prosecuting Super Dell for kicking the bird is proving that he actually kicked the bird. The video is unclear on this point. Yes, it appears that he kicked the bird but the lack of quality on the video makes it legally questionable.

The voice on the video also needs to be authenticated. Yes, it sounds like him but anyone can do a Super Dell impression. Just talk in your best whiny voice about how awesome you are and you are 90% there.

At this point the only real chance the authorities have of convicting Super Dell for kicking the bird is if the other pilot comes forward. If that pilot testifies that he was with Super Dell that day and that after the flight Super Dell bragged about kicking the bird, Super Dell’s goose is cooked. Pun intended. That witness could sink this case for Super Dell.

Unless that mystery witness testifies or Super Dell himself admits to kicking the bird I doubt very much that he will be prosecuted or convicted in any court of competent authority. As for the court of public opinion I think that conviction is already in.

Nonetheless, in the hopes of getting Super Dell to hire me I will offer him this advice for free. Please Super Dell, keep your mouth shut. Don’t talk to anyone about the video and stop kicking birds.

Call me.

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